Chapter 37: In Which She Answers Questions

1) time and date u started this?

10:32 A.M. Fri, Jan 17th, 2025

2) asl?

24/F/My balcony, indulging in a cold winter wind. 

3) opinions on musicals?

I don’t usually like them but that’s incidental to the format. I’ve seen some good ones.  Thank you Novijen!

4) favorite snack?

Takis! 

5) have u ever been in love?

Always! 

6) favorite pokemon?

Chandlure

7) mario kart main?

Isabelle 

8) tf2 main?

Medic. Shortstop scout when I want to do violence. 

9) do you laugh at youtube poops?

Typically!

10) are you listening to music right now?

Radio is currently playing Eye Ink by Irene Blanco. Earpiercing but also kinda great at the same time. Thanks dj oat.

11) favorite shape?

Great stellated dodecahedron, if polyhedra count. Otherwise spirals, because they remind me of spiral shaped bacteria. 

12) do you believe in astrology?

I disbelieve and strongly dislike it, at least all the birth chart natal stuff. Categorizing people based on the circumstances of their birth is repulsive to me.

Also, according to my chart I’m a hypercompetitive turbo-masculine oaf. I take some offense at this and also it is baffling.  

13) do you believe in the occult?

I believe racism is bad, which puts me at odds with most occultism. 

14) opinions on vocaloid?

My mom really likes hatsune miku

15) would you ever want to be a rockstar?

Not really my genre. I’d be down to be some kind of lyre playing siren though. 

16) do you easily get stressed?

Profoundly easily

17) what is/was your favorite class in high school?

Biology

18) what pokemon type would you be? dual types are allowed lol

Ghost/Fairy 

19) rei or asuka?

I do not watch anime

20) favorite html tag?

<a> I love linking to random things 

21) are you religious?

I'm irreligious. Against all hierarchy and all that. Won't abandon atheism because of annoying reddit guys in 2012.

I do admit to harboring plenty of weird superstitions and "vibes", though. Inland Empire is one of my higher stats.

22) opinions on nightcore?

I think the night is much calmer than that music suggests.

23) did you go through any major phase? (emo, goth, weeaboo, etc)

Slight goth phase, significant aerospace physics phase.

24) are you good at drawing?

Nope, my autism impedes my motor skills. 

25) do you crack your joints?

No

26) do you read visual novels?

I’ve read one or two horror ones. 

27) can you sew?

Enough to make slight modifications, patch up clothing, and make simple items. I mostly hand sew.

28) can you cook?

I think so? I can improvise meals that are very tasty to me. My friends seem to like my food. I keep a large spice cabinet and grow my own herbs. Cooking from recipes bores me though, I need it to feel adventurous! 

29) most expensive thing you've bought?

Single-item wise, probably my nice bed. My mom made me get something decent and I am thankful for that. 

30) opinions on cosplay?

I’ve done it! I like it plenty. I tend to cosplay more esoteric things or just make up my own designs though. Here’s my latest costume, a spooky nurse zombie ghost thing. 

31) what's your most hated band/musician?

Here’s the thing. I know it’s a meme to hate Nickelback. But I need you to know that their music genuinely fills me with this irrepressible tide of dread and panic. It’s nothing personal. The sound of their songs just makes me feel the crushing weight of time and flesh and decay on a level overwhelming to me. It’s like a direct psychic attack. 

32) are you a dramatic person?

I tend to take things more seriously than they’re intended. On account of my disorder. I don't much like sarcasm or irony though, they are very mentally taxing for me to use. So who can say, really?

33) what emoticon do you use most?

:> 

34) can a miracle certainly occur?

All things are bought in blood and toil. Look to no sky; bow to no god. We save ourselves with our own hands.

35) would you let a vampire suck ur blood?

SIC SEMPER VAMPIRIS unless they’re my partner teehee you can have whatever you want <3

36) do you have a celebrity crush?

There are several famous individuals I’d like to see in a hydraulic press, yes. 

37) do you like snow?

Very fond of it. Reminds me of being a little kid up in anthracite country. 

38) were you really into greek mythology as a kid?

I thought being into any mythology was sacrilege, so no. 

39) what are some things you could competently deliver a speech on?

The centrality of bacteria to all things! 

40) are you good at spelling?

I think so, but I have clumsy fingers.

41) which touhou wud u fuk?

I’m calling Ptoh’s birds of psychic prey to rise up against you. 

42) do you think there's going to be a robot takeover?

No, I think robotics and “AI” companies want money and have material interests in selling fear of these farfetched eschatologies. 

43) HAS SCIENCE GONE TOO FAR??!?!??!?!

Not far enough. Necromancy NOW! 

44) would you be an angel or devil?

I think I have a greater attunement to the angelic, but I want hooves. 

45) sine, cosine, or tangent?

Sine

46) do you like licorice?

Yup

47) whats one thing you cant stand that everyone else loves?

Baldur’s Gate 3 companions. Lae’zel is the only great one. Karlach and Wyll are second best. The rest are genuinely ridiculous. 

My opinion: Karlach should have been grosser and uglier. An actual infernal abomination. Also less personally important to an archdevil, just a random schmuck at the mercy of low-lying infernal slavecatchers gradually becoming a bigger thorn in Zariel’s side

Wyll: More of him, more of the conflict between persona and practice. Feels like the narrative drops him entirely. 

Gale: Do not make him have a relationship with a literal goddess at level 1. Make it an abusive relationship with a powerful girlboss wizard, idk. The god shit is ridiculous and maked him impossible to take seriously. I laughed at loud at his explanation. 

Shadowheart: idk man she is just lae zel but worse. Her cult is so boring. Oooooh darkness evil scary bad. Okay cool. 

Astarion: ok he is honestly basically fine, I just hate rich white twinks I want him obliterated

In general: Make some of them less conventionally attractive jesus christ. Actually I can’t get on this right now, I have far too many thoughts about BG3. Absolute schlock. Great game though, lotta fun with friends. Gameplay is awesome for something based on 5e. Shame about the story and characters. 

48) what books did you like as a kid?

Phantom Tollbooth was far and away my favorite. I also really liked the Spiderwick Chronicles and I also had a zealous obsession with the bible, a particular fondness for the Great Encyclopedia of Mushrooms, and a fascination with encyclopedias of all kinds, come to think of it. I eventually hit the point where I'd memorized almost everything in them and was just starving for more. It all felt very taboo to me, because I wasn't up to date on Papal doctrine on evolution and the big bang. So I sort of assumed all that was heresy. But also maybe true. What conflict! What drama! Thankfully these formative experiences helped me grow up to be a good unwholesome freak.

49) can you play any instruments?

I can play some songs on the lyre.

50) what song would you want to play at your wedding?

I’m not putting that on future me. 

51) do you believe in reincarnation?

No, not really. I do think that time isn’t as linear as we perceive it to be, and that something lingers the moments behind and before us.

52) finish the sentence: I'm just a guy who ______ 

is soooo in love with you Ciara I will give you 1 million dollars now 

53) have you been to another continent?

Been to both NA and Europe

54) whats your worst habit?

I’m very prone to moodiness. This is partly medical but I still think it’s a very bad trait. 

55) favorite vegetable?

Broccoli! Stir fries, fried rice, steamed!!! Oh my gosh it has such a wonderful texture! I love potatoes too, but I don't really use them as a traditional culinary vegetable most times.  

56) whats something stupid that scared the shit outta you as a kid?

The ghosts in the elder scrolls IV oblivion. Saw someone playing it and I was so petrified when they went into the catacombs and their non silvered weapons did nothing against the ghosts. 

I was pretty into fantasy and the idea of heroes dying really scared me. It sparked this deep fear of seeing player characters die in fantasy games. I always imagined being someone relying on them, since I didn’t see myself in heroes really. The thought of just not knowing they were gone. That they just never come back. Or they fail and the world ends and you die or something. The idea of just being at home waiting really got to me. I guess that’s still pretty unnerving to me! 

57) whats one of your guilty pleasures?

All my pleasures are guilty; I was raised catholic. 

58) would you rather be a ghost or a vampire?

I think I am more of a ghost if I’m being honest. I’m sentimental and prone to lingering in the past. I am an agoraphobe and like to stay in one place. Vampirism would be the better choice to maintain a human lifestyle but I do not want to feed off of my fellow human. Still, I live in the imperial core so I’m already a vampire. 

59) what do you fear most?

Change. As fervently as I believe things must change, all change begets terror. 

60) do you sleep with any plushies?

I have a few sentimental ones on my headboard.

61) what hobby do you just not understand?

Listening to true crime podcasts. 

62) do you like the taste of alcohol?

I am breaking ground as a queer person who likes beer. Lambic and sour ales are my favorite. Love wicked weed fruited sours. 

Gin is also good, and I have a real fondness for whiskey, especially peated whiskey. 

Wine is alright — I’ve liked a few but I’m no sommelier. 

63) are you a hopeless romantic?

Yes, absolutely. I am often hopeless and often romantic. 

64) which deadly sin best fits you?

Acedia or sloth. 

65) which of your physical features do you like the most?

I think my hair is pretty. It’s a deep brown, almost black in the dark, deep reddish auburn in the sun. It is very long and cascades nicely. 

66) are your ears pierced?

Yes, I have two little lobe piercings. I wear onyx studs mostly.

67) have you ever been in a physical fight?

Does getting beat up defenselessly count? 

68) where do you buy your clothes?

Thrift stores, torrid. Hard to find stuff that fits well; I am a large and powerful satyress. 

69) where would you live if you could live anywhere?

Where my loved ones are. 

70) do believe in magic? or is it all a trick?

I don’t, but I do believe in the irrepressible power of Whimsy. 

71) have you read umineko when they cry? you should!

Thank you for the suggestion.

72) what is the worst chore to do?

Washing the sheets. 

73) what did your parents almost name you?

None of my business

74) what would you want your name to be if you were not your current gender?

Just add an n and you have Ciaran. 

75) what were your first words?

That was a while ago! I dunno! I’m sorry! 

76) what do you want your last words to be?

“I love you” is a solid hope :) 

77) when did you first regularly start going online?

2007 to play WoW with my family. Regrettable.

78) what year do you miss the most?

No time like the present. 

79) are you psychic?

My mom thinks I am.

80) would you fuck a clone of yourself? you're not allowed to kill yourself.

If she’d care to have that dance. 

81) what do you use to listen to music?

Bandcamp app, record player, cd player, radio

82) whats the biggest city you've been to?

NYC 

83) favorite animal?

Deer!

84) what web browser do you use?

Firefox

85) are you allergic to kitty cats???????????

Not enough to stop me from enjoying their presence. 

86) do you like energy drinks?

Regrettably. 

87) would ever spend money on tf2 unusuals/csgo skins/gacha pulls/etc

I have a pretty valuable tf2 backpack but that's because my account has been around since 2007

88) when do you usually go to bed?

10PM

89) how often do you wash your hair?

Every other day/every day depending on season.

90) would you download a car?

Not sure it’d be worth the storage space

91) what was your favorite show as a kid?

Was more of a reader. I liked Leave it to Beaver as a kid, though. My upbringing was very strange. 

92) whats the silliest hat you own?

Pink squid hat

93) what album/song do you're feeling angsty

The album Horses in the Sky. Hang on to Each Other really affects me every time. Last Song by Jason Webley is something I sing every new year, and in moments of abject despair. Because truly, truly, truly, we are not coroners but midwives. I promise you this.

94) do you make OCs?

I write stories and I make up characters for them, yes. Generally if I think up a character I like, they end up in a written story or other creative work. It seems a shame to keep all that in my head!

95) whats the goofiest thing you do when completely alone?

Dress up in various bits of cloth and clothes and accessories and take on the personae of various whimsical and terrible faerie-nobles and other such foul creatures.

96) do you like fireworks?

Despise them, in fact. 

97) favorite painter?

Remedios Varo. I'm not very knowledgeable about art and such but they've stuck with me for years. She's my favorite of the surrealists.

98) favorite numbers?

13, 16, 37, 91

13 is for bad luck. Decided I should collect ill omens and the bad luck will invert eventually.

16 has a lot of obvious cool stuff going on. 

37 came to me out of nowhere. When I am writing and want to include an arbitrary but specific number it’s always 37. Only noticed this in retrospect but 37 just feels important. 

91 was the final 2 digits on the barcode for a plastic wrapped cheese wheel I ate as a kid. I was staring at the packaging thinking of how it was destined to be forgotten and disposed of and decided 91 is an important number to me now. 

99) what genre of vidya gaems are you really good at? (fps, fightan, danmaku, racing, whatever)

I used to be so inhumanly good at this minecraft tf2 pvp game that when I joined the server people on the other team would start despairing in chat. 

100) time and date you finished this?

9:02 P.M. Fri, Jan 17th, 2025